Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Something stirs inside my soul.

 In a moment; in this heated passion, may I bite my tongue a moment longer, and hold back my temper. When anger stirs inside my soul, I feel helplessly trapped, as if imprisoned in a dark, churning water. I can feel the turbulence, and cannot see through the turbid water that has clouded my every thought, but one.
Oh, how I try to abstain from a point of no return. It will take all that I have become to escape from this quagmire moment. Do I remember the LORD’s will? In this moment does His will coincide with mine, I fear not. What can I do to contain this incensing, tidal flow of emotion gone awry? If this continues the dam is certainly going to collapse .I must continue to keep my hateful emotion in check, while searching for the relief gate.
Does anyone really know the trouble I’ve seen? Even Jesus, had his trying times. Will He know me one day even though my best efforts sometimes go by the wayside? I hope He remembers my weaknesses in a light of a different shade, not the blackness that has my soul enveloped from bitter time, to not so happy endings. The anger if allowed to remain produces animosity, and from there revenge can’t be too far away.
Then enter my Savior, He surely will provide the much needed relief in my distress would He not? It depends, again it depends on me. He can only point to where I should be heading, He can not place me there. Still the fire rages inside, burning, and consuming all other thought as time wears on. I try to justify my anger through scripture, as I said Jesus displayed some acts that were somewhat defiant to His being, overturning tables of money-changers, withering a fig tree, and even calling the Pharisees a brood of vipers. Sure I could try this, and then later, as it has been before I know the remorse that will set in.
I can hear Him now “Ye of little faith”; Oh God, help me. I have bred this anger in, and of myself. What outside influence could ever separate me now from Him; I have lost my way, temporarily yet on display for others to critique. Oh look at the man of God, for shame on him; he has created a rift between himself, and others. Surely no one desires to be in the company of another who has just lost their temper and worse yet, they have given a victory to Satan.
“And this too shall pass”; I can hear this in my head, but still the deed has been done. I must now pursue any I have wronged, asking their forgiveness. How vicious a circle this all seems, does one ever truly break free of its grasp?
He came here for me, and for you, to show us our inequities. He has foretold us of the rewards that await, if we can only endure this tumultuous race, this human race.
The choice is still mine, and yours, do we have what it takes to accept? Stay tuned, one of the most joyful, yet stressful times, is closing in on us, culminating in an event that should be our lifelong pursuit. Peace on Earth, and goodwill to men, is it in us?
A prayer I need; Please LORD, help me hold back the hateful thoughts due to my current mental capacity. My ambition is to one day be with You LORD, I know I can not expect any more from you LORD than what I am willing to concede, help me to have secession from this harmful emotion.
I know my success is not only a victory for Your Kingdom; it will also become a powerful tool of testimony for others who have endured similar hardship. In Jesus name. Amen.
This may not be one of the emotions, or vices, that has been plaguing you, but working out the details, and your feelings with others and with Christ are tantamount to our future glory. As you can clearly see, I struggle, and I know we all do, for Jesus has opened my eyes to let me see there are others surrounding me, and each of us has a need. May most of that need be to have a more intimate relation with Him, until that time; do not give up on yourself, because He still has great plans for you. G.B.U.

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